For a quick recap to see what got me to part II - see part I.
Since I had enrolled in a two-year program for spiritual direction, I thought it would be a good idea to meet with a spiritual director, you know, to see what it was like. (Also, there was WAY more stuff happening in life of course, but I'm just focusing on this one thing.)
So, I made my first appointment with a spiritual director. We met at a beautiful space where evangeline nuns live. This already piqued my interest, I had no idea there were such a thing as non-catholic nuns and ever since I was a nun (read filler in the background) in "The Sound of Music" in 7th grade I've had an interest in what life as a nun might be like.
As we sat down on the impeccably kept 70's style furniture in the room that smelled like old hymnals, she asked me about myself. What brought me here? So, I told her.
She told me a little about herself and took me through what sitting with her and God might look like.
We would choose a place to meet, in person if I chose, or online.
She would light a candle - as a symbol that the Holy Spirit is always with us.
And she would ask me how I'd like to begin: silence, scripture, prayer.
Then she would ask me how life was with me.
And I could talk as much as I wanted. Ask questions.
And she would ask questions.
And we would look to see where/how God is moving in my life. In the space there.
And I would have space to respond.
And we might be silent again, or pray, or imagine something in there.
And then at some point we would end.
It didn't sound too crazy to me, so I thought I'd give it a go.
And there it began.
When I began my program I didn't know if it would be something that I just did for myself, or that I would actually do something with it when my time was over. However, over the past two years I have felt and been affirmed over and over that holding space for people to sit with God, see how God is moving and respond to Presence is where I am meant to be for now.
So the photo at the top represents where I am in the field. That's my daughter, running her heart out in the same field as in the first part of my story.
I feel freedom.
Freedom in God and my understanding of the Divine.
Freedom in knowing myself better.
Freedom in knowing and being able to discern my calling.
Freedom in knowing that I can sit with someone and they will listen and not judge me.
Freedom to speak all of the doubts or fears in my mind.
Freedom to unleash parts of myself that had been caught up in a tangle of old (excuse my language) crap.
And the whole process has helped me bloom and I feel more WHOLE.
It's a journey. And it's slow. But it's one worth walking WITH someone.
If any of this has resonated with you, I would be honored to listen.