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  • Writer's pictureshelisloterbeek

Unnoticeably Stuck

I look at my garden every. single. day. It's a miracle to me that anything edible growing here in the desert. The cucumbers were growing EVERYWHERE and I was so proud of us. One day I was moving the leaves around and I noticed this one.

What happened here?! I had put the little fence up to keep the cucumbers from choking the zucchini, but this one had decided to try to make a run for it. At some point though the cucumber kept growing and the end of the metal piece of fence punctured the cucumber. And yet, it just kept growing.

I thought about this photo for a few days. What do I see? What do I feel? What do I learn?

I had an initial thought, but it felt forced, so I just let it sit for a few days.

And then it smacked me in the face. I've found in my journey that sometimes I get stuck with an idea or belief that I learned somewhere in the past. And as I grow, that idea or belief doesn't feel quite right. Then I have a choice. I can ignore it, which is easy, or I can choose to notice where the hurt is. I've noticed that if I dig in a little deeper to that feeling I usually have a bit of unlearning to do. And when I've unlearned, then I get unstuck. Freedom comes. Peace in my soul. Spaciousness in freedom in my mind.

Recently, I found myself home in the afternoon with no one else around in my house. I immediately thought of all the errands I could run. What would I do? I am a master of being productive and keeping busy. And then I felt it. And I made a conscious choice to acknowledge the feeling. This little thing inside of me that asked "Why do you HAVE to do something?" So I stopped. An internal struggle ensued. Go. Stay. Go. Stay. I decided to do the thing that made me feel more uncomfortable. I stayed. And wrote. And peace came. And spaciousness was added to my freedom.

Questions to Ask

What do you see in the cucumber photo?

What do you feel?

What do you learn?

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